Struggling with mental health is a lonely, invisible battle with yourself and after denying it for so long, you’ve finally taken the first step by acknowledging that you need help. Now what? 

Talking to your parents about seeking therapy can feel like an impossible task, especially in a culture that is quick to sweep individual feelings and emotions under the carpet of practicality, rationality and reputation. They might still look at mental health problems through “so what, it happens to everyone” tinted glasses and view seeking professional help as a shameful and embarrassing failure. Not because they don’t care but because of their own issues with stigma, denial and fear. Brought up in sparse households, they view almost everything other than bare necessities as an indulgence, so therapy might seem like an excuse or crutch rather than facing “the real world”.

Why do you need to talk about therapy anyway?

Your mental health is a complex yet intangible factor that determines who you are. A nationwide research on India’s mental health by NMHS Bengaluru revealed that nearly 150 million Indians are in need of immediate intervention yet nearly 80% of those suffering from mental disorders, had not received any treatment despite the presence of illness for more than 12 months! These statistics prove that mental health is no longer a personal, private or individual problem. We all need to own what we and the ones around us feel or India’s “economic loss due to mental health conditions is estimated at $1.03 trillion by 2030” (World Health Organisation).

If you’re ready to take a shot at an honest and unapologetic conversation about your mental health with your parents, we would like to help you gear up for what you could say, how they might react and what you can do if they’re unsupportive.

1. Prepare and Practise

Rehearsing what you want to say beforehand can be helpful if you are worried about improvising or saying the wrong things. Take some time to check in with yourself and determine what you hope to get out of therapy, what type of therapy you think would be the right fit for you, and what involvement you want from your parents in the therapy process.

Make a list of all the points you want to cover, and consider how your parents might respond. Prepare counterarguments that are logical rather than angry or hurt, and support what you want to say with facts and research. Websites, booklets, and videos that explain how therapy works and bust myths related to mental health can be helpful.

1. Tell Them Why You Need Therapy

In simple words, explain what you are feeling and how it is affecting your life. Avoid getting caught up in proving, analyzing, or explaining your actions. State that you are facing these issues and wish to see a professional to learn strategies to cope better. If your parents brush you off by saying that everyone feels that way and you will grow out of it, communicate that this is more serious than just having the blues and it is getting in the way of your academics, extracurriculars and personal life.

Reassure your parents that seeking therapy does not mean something is wrong with you. You could draw a parallel between visiting a doctor to cure a physical pain or disease and seeking therapy to cope with mental issues like depression, anxiety, or stress.

1. Be Gentle and Give Them Time to Process

Choose a day or time when your parents are free and relaxed to bring up the topic. Instead of assuming that you can finish the conversation in one sitting, expect them to resist and seek out ways you can persistently bring up the topic. Be gentle with them and give them time to process what you are saying.

1. Walk them through the process and what you need from them

It is natural to oppose something you don’t understand. Your parents might be unsupportive because they don’t understand what therapy is and have never been to it or heard of others who go to therapy. Explaining what happens in therapy and how it can improve one’s quality of life, showing videos of sessions and busting myths about what it is and isn’t might be helpful.

Validate their fears and clarify that therapy isn’t about judgement and getting orders on what to do, but rather an opportunity to reflect on your life with someone who has no preconceived ideas about or personal involvement with it.

Before you talk to your parents, think about what level of involvement you expect from them. Be clear about your needs and set boundaries in case they are more intrusive than you would like.

1. Keep Expectations Realistic

As you prepare for the conversation, try not to romanticize how it will go. Some possible questions or reactions could be:

• “Did anything happen to you that led to this?”
• “Did we do anything to make you feel this way?”
• “It’s just an excuse. If you focus on your studies and work, this will pass.”
• “This is not a real illness. Cancer is a disease.”
• “This is a Western craze. You just want to do it because your friends go for therapy.”
• “Why do you want to spend money on a stranger when you can talk to us?”
• “What will people say? What do I tell them – my child is mental!”
• “I failed at being a parent. I can’t even raise a kid who is happy.”

Remember that what feels like a simple update to you might feel threatening, embarrassing, or shocking to your parents. It is never wrong to ask for help, and your worth is rooted in more than what your parents think of you.

1. Consider Other Options

Even if you do the legwork and keep your calm, your parents might still refuse your reality and needs. In this case, think of other adults you can approach or seek out therapy on your own anyway. 

Once you start therapy, if you see a positive impact, consider sharing these changes with your parents. Showing them that therapy has actually bettered your life can push them to revise their views. But in the end, you don’t need your parents to understand exactly what you are going through. If you have done your best to convey your needs and desire to be better, whether they choose to be there for you or not is for them to decide.

In conclusion, talking to your parents about therapy can be a difficult conversation, but therapy is a personal decision, and seeking help is a sign of strength.

consider sharing these changes with them. Showing them that it has actually bettered your life can push them to revise their views. But in the end, you don’t need your parents to understand exactly what you are going through. If you have done your best to convey your shortcomings, needs and desire to be better, whether they choose to be there for you or not is for them to decide.